| the internet destroyed/saved my life |
[24 Nov 2009|11:34pm] |
i realize i tend to only post an entry on here maybe once a year
i realize most of the time i write something on here, it has to do with me feeling pretty damn shitty.
so lemme reverbrate the title of this entry.
once upon a time i had a girlfriend (about 3 hours ago we were still together) and i ruined everything we had together because of the internet. the internet destroyed any capablity i have had of being a decent guy in a decent relationship. it turned me into the very monster i vowed to have never become. i could not stay true to my gf, i could not be in an honest relationship because of the internet. the internet has made me weak and unable to say no when i needed to. from the first gf that ive had to the very recent one, i have gotten worse and worse in personality and my capabilites of being in a loving relationship.
with that being said
if it was not for the internet, i would not be what i am training to become, i would not be an activist, enthuiastist, dedicated to what i believe in if it were not for me being able to research on the internet. the internet made me aware of the horrors that must be stopped and it something that i am dedicating my life too.
i hate myself for being the monster that i am, but at least i have a goal, something that will make live, with or without her, worthwhile
|
|
| ryan slutface |
[23 Jun 2008|11:53pm] |
why is it whenever i find an intersting woman to pursue, it never comes to fruition?
i mean ive told her in the past how ive felt
and im pretty sure she still knows how i feel
dont girls like to be chased? not vice versa
ima confusing boy
|
|
| whatya wanna know? |
[10 Jun 2008|11:07am] |
my life is slowish
my birthday is on saturday
im browsing jobs in long beach
a couple oppertunies look nice
it just depends on whether i really wanna
bury myself in debt
and enjoy life a bit
euro 2008 is happenin
i cant believe italy got blank by the netherlands
|
|
| say everything |
[19 Apr 2008|11:21am] |
we all have wierd dreams. the kind like when you wake are like what the hell did i dream that?
i didnt have one of those but im getting tired of dreaming of one particular person.
it kind of dictates my mornings and i dont like it.
i havent spoken to seen her in months when she just decided, without telling me of course, that she wants pretty much nothing to do with me.
when you have four consecutive dreams in a row in one night about her, it takes alot out of you especially when you had such strong feelings for her.
its not like i havent had any luck with women, but it kind of is lingering in the back of my head as to why they all decided to walk out, and its not like im going for strictly one type of girl but i date outside of my realm, and its all ended the same, some what badly.
when your longest relationship was five months with a girl who didnt want the title of gf, it kinda says something about your characteristics, and thats where i find myself.
lost in my own dream
|
|
| rip showcase |
[15 Apr 2008|10:33am] |
even though im not exactly proud of my first show there (rufio and slick shoes)
it defiently was a part of my life.
its kinda sad knowing that when you grow up in corona, there wasnt much to do
but we did have a place to meet up and listen to music.
sure in the later years the bros got dumber, the fights lamer, and wed venture out
to farther locations.
we always had showcase
i dont know how many friday/saturday nights in high school i woulda stayed home
if it werent for that place
rip old friend
|
|
| my sun, my gun |
[20 Mar 2008|11:13am] |
so besides being a half hour late to work, (i was the one opening the store)
and my dm givin me hell on behalf of my boss, who was also late
a stranger occurence happened.
a guy, probably my age, walked in by himself, and he had the exact pair of sunglasses
i have, the green ones kristina gave me, if you seen them you know that
almost no one has a piar, none the less wears them
but this guy walks in sporting them and i was like amazzeddddd
we became instant friends
it was like one of the moments, that just everything clicked.
I NEED TO MAKEOUT WITH A WOMAN
after sharing this expierence i need to add points back to my hetero side....
easter this sunday! sport those springy clothes
|
|
| ryan boom boom |
[16 Mar 2008|08:27pm] |
i didnt get home from work till 2 in the morning
then i had to turn around and wake up at 7 to go back to work.
came home and i passed out while attempting to watch darjeeling limited.
i had a dream a briefcase exploded in my face.
my back hurts
im gonna hafta bake something.
|
|
| meats on a stick |
[29 Feb 2008|02:43pm] |
i got into long beach.
decesions need to be made
money needs to accumulate
i dont like too many sunny days.
|
|
| knick knack |
[14 Feb 2008|09:45am] |
cant buy me love
but it sure buys alot of haappiness
hahahha
hope u have someone to hump
happy valentines
|
|
| cant go wrong with grape juice |
[28 Jan 2008|12:19pm] |
so i went on a date yesterday
which is wierd cause i rarely go on them, so i hyped it up. the girl i went with, to say the least, i was probably way outa her league, although she was only 19. she is a part time model and as apperead in music videos and what not but weve been exchanging chit chat and what not. we went to a very intimate and trendy restraunt in hollywood and talked about nearly everything. we had a great time and i truly do value getting to know the softer side of somebody instead sitting there the whole time thinkin i wanna get ontop of her [generic guy thought] the only thing that scared me about her was her height, we are both exactly 5'10. and the distance, she lives in simi valley. why the distance? honestly have u seen the people who live around here? its nice to meet someone whose like oh you know so and so. kinda like a clean slate. nonetheless i was a perfect gentleman and we walked around holllywood blvd a bit before it ended. i woudlnt exactly call the night a success since the whole time driving home i was kinda frowning thinkin she wasnt feelin it. even though we talked about it afterwards and she exclaimed she wants to go on more dates, seemed kinda meh to how she doesnt have much free time.
it does somehow give me hope in the future knowing i can appeal to a broad range of people, yet with my given history, ive had more luck with girls who have approached me instead of vice versa.
hopefully someday someone will truly value what i have to offer.
in the mean time, mars volta on wednesday. :wets pants:
|
|
| i think its safe to say |
[24 Dec 2007|12:00pm] |
if were not with someone
we sure are thinking about someone...
as much as sometimes our memories hurt
at least we had them.
merry christmas and God bless all of us
|
|
| revitalizing sperm banks is like using a piano as a paperwieght |
[10 Dec 2007|05:41pm] |
i can prolly name about 11 girls off the top of my head who id date
there are no woods to randomly wander off into and get a real dose of planet earth
no one to buy presents for (already donating to red cross)
almonds are ridicously good for u and yummy
im dis likening the fact there are so many coffeehouses and yet no one buys coffee
where are the latte labs or the mocha rotundas?
they deliver pizza to your door, ice cream by truck but why not chicken cars or taco trucks
im lonely and hungry
|
|
| some sort of boobs |
[27 Nov 2007|10:35am] |
no news is sorta good news.
been working outragelously alot.
which sometimes isnt a bad thing since i pretty much have nothing to do and would rather make fun of people from a different area.
im prolly gonna hafta drop my music appreciation class since i think im failing it
which means i prolly hafta take one stupid class next semester
im trying to stay off of girls, been nothing but teases lately (when are they never?)
no rain, thank you global warming.
|
|
| recogonizable purging and talking mimes |
[12 Oct 2007|01:18pm] |
i dont understand why girls purposely talk to me when they have a bf
they say they wanna make new friends
come on its bs.
ive been feeling blank lately, and i guess its a good thing since ive been keeping busy
cuz if i wasnt, who knows.
u make it day by day by having something to look forward to.
its funny how i remeber my ex's bdays and annivesaries haha and she said i forget everything
|
|
| i am the Lindbergh baby |
[01 Oct 2007|09:09am] |
although i use this site to express my failed love relationships
random events that occur during my life
or just voice my displeasure at whatever the moment tells me too
i am truly thankful for everything in my life
from my family
to my possesions
to my friends, although some may come and go
to the advanatges and luxuries i take for granted
i am really blessed and hope God bless you too
every now and then you gotta stop and smell the roses, tulips, sunflowers,carnations, lylacs
|
|
| instability. room 201 |
[23 Sep 2007|10:54am] |
and yet another good girl has slipped through my fingers.
i am unable to keep anyone close
her excuse this time kinda beliguired me
she just wants to be alone.
she goes to work full time and is moving to long beach
she has alot on her plate and will be starting school.
i duno maybe its me, but i would cherish anyone who would be able to take me away from the repetiviness of work and school and home
its the people who are career minded and focused that ultimatley sacrfice their relationships. id perfer to not go through life working myself to death. id rather spend more time with someone special and just be my idiotic and randomself.
if i was having trouble at home, at school or at work, i would want someone i could escape to, who has a logical mind screwed onto their head. not bury myself into a textbook or become a slave to win over a dollar.
to be the antidote to the day to day poisons.
and yet, here i am again.
|
|
| sadly happy, happy to be sad |
[16 Sep 2007|10:57pm] |
you cant win
its more along the lines of acceptance
u accept that both are temporary
sadness and happiness
ive come to that point
so i decided to take action
unfortunaelty the well respected personal who over see the guidelines for undergraduate studies and transfers at the college of my choice, found it in their infinte wisdom to shut the door on allowing me to become part of their cirriculum.
although one roadblock wont deter me, it poses lengthier questions for the unforseen future.
although i am gracious and honored to be working with respectable associates
i feel angered watching these goodhearted people giving away their hard earned paychecks
to the lil mouse who runs two theme parks with a third on the way.
i will be subjected to a history lesson, followed by 2 hoours of intense propaganda on why
disney is such a magical corporation that tricks people into funneling money into them
and not to more humane subsidies that desperately need help.
sometimes its okay to feel sad
at least you feel something
its what makes us human
its temporary
i routinely tell myself jokes..... that no one would dare to laugh at...
|
|
| i perform self lobotomies |
[10 Sep 2007|09:18pm] |
im so obessed with hurt
not really
ive lately felt way too disconnected with people
and the girl im dating doesnt even feel like its dating
i might as well be off fightin the war i never see her
and yet i hold on for any sort of initmate connection with another person
i start tomrorow at another fossil store (downtown disney)
we'll see how that goes
|
|
| i just blue myself |
[31 Aug 2007|05:09pm] |
said the ocean.
as me, ryan, for say, am a huge advocate of fighting global warming
its recently come to my attention that although a broad number of problems can be
directly a result of global warming, it hit me to realize the global warming ultimateley stems from a even larger problem: overpopulation
some of us may not see it as a problem but in genuinely is.
with advances in modern medicines and what not, the average human age as skyrocketed
meaning a longer life. too many people means too many problems
exhausting resources to cope with the huge population leads to
desertification
famine
widespread disease
etc.
although during the industrial revolution when coal was introduced can we really say sparked the beginning of the modern age and its effects (global warming) its easy to say that when farmers moved from conventional tools to engine-ran ones, it was to accomodate a growing human population.
so we have a huge problem on our hands. too many people, too little resources.
if u dont believe me, go stand in the housing development or dare to even try and drive the freeway.
our land is disappearing and so should the people. (which is entirely hypocrticial because i am happy for my existence and of those in my life)
solutions to solve this problem:
angel of death (trial and tribulation, judgement day)
stop having sex (bahahahahahahahahahhahaha)
become more considerate of our resources and encourage to stop overdevelopment
soylent green (coming soon...)
bottom line: only when something is taken from you, do you truly miss it. SAVE OUR NATURAL RESOURCES.
|
|
| so this is codeine |
[25 Aug 2007|08:21pm] |
i havent felt this way since i was jobless during the beginning of the year
unaccomplished
wasting my time
and nothing to do
my friends pretty much go off and do their own thing
which is fine cuz thats what moving on is
its kinda hard to break down exactly what me and this girl im seeing are
i see her infrequently, and although i get so excited when i see her
i feel like i still dont know anything about her and never quite will
and if i saw her every other day
inevitability would set in
and another good relationship would be history
(which is why all my past ones dont have exactly happy endings)
so i went to a trendybar yesterday (and i got tipsy, whoaaaaa)
and im not the bar type of person
i dont need liquor to engage in an intersting conversation
or to make an idiot of myself whether that be dancing or some other form
people say that they need booze to have fun or to really say whats on their mind
its bs, you just arent intersting enough
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
untilitends's journal